Saudade ft. Chanel - 11:36 pm

There's this overwhelming nature to beauty that usually induces me to tears. Maybe, it is because I've always been a

sensitive soul.

Contrary to many personal reviews, 'Coco' doesn't remind me of lust. It reminds me of passion - not something that is

sweet or innocent...it's like a yearning love? (I always this unsure of my own feelings.) I noticed that the perfume creates four

distinct scents. The first being spicy - a seductive, 'come hither' scent. The second being powdery - a comforting clean

 scent that reminds me of fresh laundry. I'm still having trouble describing the last one. But, I will try. It reminds me of

an interesting combination of hibiscus, cloves, cotton, and an approaching storm. The fourth and last phase of 'Coco'

elicits a sense of closeness. Like, a physical closeness - almost like skin.

Overall, 'Coco' reminds me of warmth and comfort. There's something so beautiful about this perfume, that I honestly

want to cry. I actually find it empowering that I was able to purchase this on my own, with my own money.

 It's empowering to me that I purchased a perfume by the revered woman that is the epitome of luxe and glamour and

the creator of the modern woman, on my own.

I think I should add that it makes me feel hopeful, for I may one day have someone to share this experience with.

Quixotism

I'm an idealist.

I'm an also a realist.

I often come to find these two sides battling it out, trying to assert their dominance, and telling me which outlook I should apply to my life.

Lately, I've been a realist. Or more of a pessimist. They're honestly one and the same.

As an idealist, I also tend to think I'm Superwoman - I can handle anything and nothing is too large for me to handle. It's a personal strength and my greatest weakness.

I started college exactly a year ago (my last post) and I've been losing little pieces of myself along the way. I allowed my past desires and passions and the little fire in me I've always possessed to slowly fade.

I've made a recent change, albeit. Through the help of lovely friends I have made/grown closer to in college, I realized that the fire didn't completely die out but was actually residual embers.

If you are on a true quest for knowledge and you decide to pursue that journey through the means of getting a higher education, don't get lost in the blur an definitely do not let that little fire in you die out.

I realized it's so easy to have the stress of school kill the child-like wonder and naivete you had right before you headed on the path towards independence.

Post - High School

    I've been anticipating this day for years, but most considerably my senior year. I graduated this past Thursday and I have to say, it's all pretty bittersweet.

           

 I turned 18 in April. College is right around the corner and I've already chosen my classes. I received my license last month and my diploma shortly after. I drove out on my own for the first time on my last day of high school. I went on my first date late May. I went out on my own unsupervised and have been doing so since May. Plenty of firsts for me this year.

It may sound pedestrian or even strange to you, but many do not know, I was (still am) raised in a strictly religious household. But I promise, I'm not at all psychotic and depressed and deprived of society~

   I finally found time to read again and spent hours almost each week at the bookstore, stretching $40 to buy multiple books. I've gotten back into my art. I've been (attempting) a healthier lifestyle and working out. The very thought of me growing as a person and simply becoming more confident to do more of what I want to do excites me. The possibilities are thrilling. I can easily get into my car, turn on the ignition, and just go and see where the road leads.

I'm on the verge of tears writing this post. Tears of joy (including the familiar goofy, reminiscing smile).

This summer, I'm taking the time to spoil myself. I'm catching up on all those nights of sleep I missed in favor of straight A's and 5's on AP exams. I'm doing at-home spa treatments. Smiling more.

I don't want to be an example of "youth is wasted on the young". This is the time to live. This is the time to laugh and go on road trips and have bonfires, just like in those teen movies. Be optimistic. Have summer love(s). Don't be afraid to say no or yes. Go.

Just go.